The Curious Case of Projection: And Why It’s Impacting Your Life.
By Ann-Marie Covert, MSW, RSW
What is Projection?
When I was in school, long before the days of “smart boards,” teachers would use a projector to display a picture on a screen at the front of the class. The projector would use light to go through a transparent image to project the image in front of a room of curious kids.
Just as that light would emit and project the image from the projector to the screen, as humans, we can emit and project “our stuff” onto the people around us.
Projection is a psychological term; it is a defense mechanism. Projection is when we attribute characteristics that we don’t like within ourselves onto other people around us.
Have you ever felt that someone didn't like you for no reason? Do you have someone in your life who triggers you, and you don't know why? You might be experiencing a case of projection.
Freud, the Father of Psychoanalysis, would notice when he was meeting with his patients that there were times that they would accuse others of the very behaviors they were doing. For example, a husband who struggles with anger management issues may believe his wife has a problem with anger.
What Causes Projection?
Why does this happen? Why do we and those around us project our problems onto others?
It’s simple, really, because it is easier to point out the flaws in others rather than confront our own. It is an unconscious attempt to protect ourselves and is all about self-preservation.
There are things we don’t like about ourselves that we unconsciously attach to others around us because it is easier on our hearts and minds if other people are the ones with the problem. It is our mind’s way of externalizing our discomfort and making someone else carry the psychological burden we have been carrying.
More Examples of Projection:
A person who is having an affair may project this onto their spouse and become convinced that they are being unfaithful.
School bullies may project their vulnerability onto other classmates (a root cause of most bullying).
Critical employees may project their feelings on their employer and assume their boss doesn’t like them.
A person may project their insecurities in their friendships, assuming everyone is rejecting them.
A parent may project their ideals for success onto their children when they themselves do not feel successful.
Short-term Benefits, Long-term Costs
In the short-term, projection protects our minds from the discomfort of these feelings. It protects us from our own insecurities, fatal flaws, and vulnerabilities. In the long term, however, projection can be very damaging in relationships.
In marriage, projection can cause one spouse to feel constantly blamed and disrespected when the person with the actual issue is permitted to play the role of victim.
Bullies can cause repeated damage to students, who will develop their own insecurities after repeated insults and abuse.
Employees can create toxic work environments and undermine the ability to create trust with their colleagues or employer.
Friendships can easily have the rug pulled out from under them if someone is fixated on abandonment and interprets everything as rejection.
Parents can create perfectionist mindsets in their children, causing them to become hypervigilant to achieve greatness and satiate their parent’s insecurities about themselves.
How to Avoid the Trap of Projection?
Some people are more vulnerable to the trap of projection than others. Individuals who have insecurities and low self-insight are at higher risk.
Some mental health issues also put people at higher risk for projection. Individuals with Personality Disorders tend to project on a regular basis. A person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has a high likelihood of projecting their fears of rejection onto their friends and family and will interpret everything as a sign that they are abandoning them.
But the truth is, we can all fall into the trap of projection.
Whether you believe you are projecting your insecurities onto others or if you believe you are a recipient of someone else's projected insecurities, you can sidestep this by developing your self-insight.
Developing Self Insight
You can avoid the trap of projection with self-insight. Good self-insight and humility will allow people to self-reflect and own their flaws and mistakes, fostering ongoing self-development and ultimately making them less likely to project. Also, self-insight will help you side-step the attempts of others projecting onto you. When we have better awareness about ourselves, it helps us have better awareness about others.
Make the Unconscious Conscious
Think of someone in your life who triggers you. Think of a recent conversation you had with them, and ponder, what about them bothered you? Ask yourself, "Is there anything about their behaviour I see in myself that I am afraid to acknowledge?"
For example, maybe the person who triggers you is a co-worker who talks incessantly (you know, the kind who doesn't even stop to breathe when talking).
So ask yourself, "Am I afraid I talk too much?" Or, "Do I have a fear that I will make someone mad if I cut them off?"
It is possible you have hidden insecurity in this area, and this is causing you to feel triggered when around someone displaying this specific behavior.
Taking time to self-reflect can uncover fears and help you be more mindful of your response during your interactions with others.
In the case above, uncovering the hidden fear that you don't think you should cut people off may help you to be more confident to politely interject the next time you get caught up in an unwanted conversation.
Start Today
Take some time to self-reflect today, reviewing any negative interactions from your last week. Ask yourself what about that interaction bothered you, what emotions did it trigger, and what (if anything) about what they did reminds you of yourself? You may find some of your relationships having more positive interactions in the future.
For more information about projection and helpful tips, check out this YouTube video: Projection: Our Mind's Defense
